The Lord of the XDressers
by Lovely Lady Lunatic
Summary: When a hyperactive, crossdressing science teacher and his misfit class crash their homemade flying machine on the island, everything changes. Rated T for extremely teenager-ish humor and a LOT of weirdness.


Lovely Lady Lunatic: So here it is!! The long awaited and much anticipated Lord of the Cross Dressers!!! Y-A-Y!!! Mr. JoJo, my wonderful OC, do the disclaimer!!

Mr. JoJo: Lovely Lady Lunatic doesn't own anything except for me and my fabulous students!!

Island boys: …

Ralph: …Why? Why do you feel the need to torture us like this?

Lovely Lady Lunatic: Shaddup!!! This is the result of months of scheming and hours of non-stop typing!!!!

Simon: For…this?

Lovely Lady Lunatic: You live in this story, so swallow your pride and deal with it!!!!

Piggy: Excuse me, Ms. Lunatic? I don't like dying, can I live too?

Lovely Lady Lunatic: "Ms."? Awwh! How polite! Of course you can!

Piggy: Hooray!!

Robert: NO! Damn it, I worked hard to kill this lump of fat!!!

Lovely Lady Lunatic: …Beastie.

Beastie: Yes?

Lovely Lady Lunatic: Eat him.

Beastie: YAY!!

Sam: Review!

Eric: While we watch Roger get eaten!

* * *

Ralph stared moodily into the flames of the signal fire. The boys had voted for him, not Jack, to be chief. So why, WHY had they snuck away in the dead of night to join him? Now it was just himself, Simon, Piggy, and the twins keeping the signal fire alive while the others had fun and feasted on meat.

He jumped about a foot in the air when a hand touched his shoulder.

"Ralph!" a whisper hissed urgently in the dark. Ralph pushed his overlong hair out of his eyes and squinted into the night, just barely making out Piggy's large outline.

"What do you want, Piggy?" he asked, slightly annoyed.

"Simon- I mean- we saw-"

Ralph blinked. He now saw that Piggy was shaking hard, but from fear or excitement he couldn't tell. He leapt to his feet and silently followed Piggy into the menacing forest.

After about 10 minutes of stumbling in almost pitch blackness, they finally reached the top of a looming rock formation. Simon was waiting for them. He looked somewhat feverish.

"Something fell out of the sky and crashed onto the mountain on Jack's side of the island." He said in a shaky voice.

"T-the mountain?! Isn't that where the Beastie lives??" Piggy gasped, looking positively terrified.

Ralph was about to try and reassure his companions when he heard a stick snap from behind him. He froze and turned slowly. Simon's large eyes grew even wider under his tangled hair. Piggy whimpered in fear and clutched Ralph's arm. Ralph's heart hammered wildly in his chest as whatever it was came closer… and closer…

And then a voice came from the dark…

"HI!!"

Piggy screamed shrilly at the sudden noise as the most insane looking man that they had ever seen popped out of the bushes. He (He?) wore a giant sombrero, elbow length floral dining gloves, black short shorts, and long red high heeled boots. He had a blanket tied around his shoulders like a cape rather than a shirt. He was covered in dirt and scratches, but nevertheless he had a giant, goofy grin on his face.

They stared.

"…Looks like we've lost it." Simon said in an oddly calm voice.

The strange man (was it a man? Its face looked manly, but its clothes were so feminine it was hard to tell…) beamed at them.

"Hello there, boys! My name is Mr. JoJo, and I will be your new teacher!"

"Our…teacher?" Ralph repeated as his eyebrows steadily rose higher and higher.

"Of course!" Mr. JoJo chirped happily. "You're children, and children must be taught!"

"No thanks. Bye." Simon turned to walk away. Mr. JoJo lunged at him, and hugged him around the waist.

"Don't be so rude! You haven't even introduced yourselves!" He pouted.

"Well, I'm Ralph. The one hiding behind me is Piggy. The one you're molesting is Simon." Ralph said gravely.

Simon poked Mr. JoJo in the eye, causing a squeal of pain and the distraction he needed to slip from the crazy teacher's grasp. He then showed off his impressive bravery by darting behind Ralph and cowering. Ralph gave him The Look before turning back to Mr. JoJo.

"How did you get here?"

"Why, by my magical homemade flying machine, of course!"

"…Right. Do you have any useful supplies on this machine?"

"Absolutely, sonny boy! I AM a science teacher after all! I have lab equipment, protective goggles, dangerous chemicals-"

"Yeah, we'll need to retrieve those ASAP." Ralph interrupted, an image of a chemical bomb wielding Jack filling his mind.

"-and my entire advanced science class!" Mr. JoJo finished.

…Silence…

"…Well, I guess we need to go find them." Ralph groaned, feeling the beginning of a massive headache.

* * *

Lovely Lady Lunatic: Well?? Well?? Whatcha think?!?

Island boys: …

Mr. JoJo: It was fabulous, my dear Lady!!

Lovely Lady Lunatic: I love you, Mr. JoJo!!

Jack: It SUCKED. Where am I?? Huh?!?

Lovely Lady Lunatic: Hmph! So rude! I'll put you in next chapter, just hold your horses.

Sam: Weren't we-

Eric: Supposed to be there?

Roger: Yeah!! Where was I?! And when do I get to kill that loser?? _Points at Piggy._

Piggy: I have the conch!! And Ms. Lunatic said I could live!!

Jack: WHY CAN'T I BE IN THIS CHAPTER???

Sam: This-

Eric: Isn't-

Samneric: FAIR!!

Roger: WHEN CAN I KILL PIGGY????

Piggy: Never!!! And I still have the conch!!!

Jack: RALPH IS IN THIS CHAPTER!!! I'M BETTER THAN HIM!!!! SO WHYYYY?!?!?!

Samneric: WE WANT OUR LAWYER!!!!

Roger: I WANT TO KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

Piggy: I HAVE THE CONCH!!!!!!!!!!!

Lovely Lady Lunatic: …Beastie.

Beastie: Yes?

Lovely Lady Lunatic: Eat them.

Beastie: YAY!!!!

Simon: …The Lunatic wants reviews…

Mr. JoJo: So please review!! We'll see you later!!!!


End file.
